EMIL BONDEVIK: User Guide and Manual
by OnnaMurcielago666
Summary: Inspired by the manuals of est.1995(AKA lolidictator).


CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own EMIL BONDEVIK unit! To ensure that our loyal customers may use this unit to the best of its abilities, Ota-Co. has provided this manual. Reading is the best way for you, the customer, to get the most out of this 'tsundere' model.

**Technical Parameters and Specifications  
Name**: Emil Bondevik  
Will respond to "Iceland", " Ísland ", "Ice", "Emil", and angrily to "Little Brother" when called so by a LUKAS BONDEVIK unit.  
**Age**: 17  
**Place of Manufacture**: Olso, Norway  
**Height**: 5'8"  
**Weight**: Light  
**Length**: Modesty is his best policy, but don't be fooled.

_Your EMIL BONDEVIK unit comes with the following:  
_- One (1) ribbon tie, white  
- One (1) pair of half-laced boots, white  
- One (1) pair of gloves, white  
- One (1) Mr. Puffin unit, complete with pink bow tie and Italian Mobster speech program  
- Two (2) military jackets and pants, brown  
- Two (2) dress shirts, white

**Preprogrammed Traits  
**_Your EMIL BONDEVIK comes with the following abilities:  
_**History Tutor**: Your EMIL BONDEVIK unit has an elephant's memory, so subjects to do with concrete facts are his speciality. Also, after so much tracing to find his true roots, your unit has learned quite a lot. _(WARNING: OCCUPATION MAY CAUSE AGGRAVATD MUTTERING OR RANTS OUT OF NOWHERE.)  
_

**Model**: Need a quick way to get cash? Set your naturally slim EMIL BONDEVIK unit before a photographer and watch his moody teenage pout appear on billboards everywhere. For the best money shots, program your EMIL BONDEVIK into Bashful first or allow him to flip into it naturally.

**Activating your EMIL BONDEVIK Unit  
**Your unit is a calmer unit, and it is unlikely that you will wake him in a way that will make him angry. However, we have enclosed a few ways to turn on your unit that won't result in your EMIL BONDEVIK unit snapping at you.  
_1. Say "Onii-chan," near the box_. However loud or quiet you are, your EMIL BONDEVIK should respond with a refusal and you should hear shuffling. Once you have had enough fun pestering him, open the box and introduce yourself. Your unit should hurry out and deny calling any LUKAS BONDEVIK unit "Onii-chan," at one point or another. If you want, you can now reprogram him.

_2. Activate the Mr. Puffin unit included and place it within the crate, set to Obnoxious with its volume up_. Eventually, when he can stand it no longer, your EMIL BONDEVIK unit will kick one side of the box away and give the puffin what it wants. He will be quite agitated and likely stomp about cursing in Icelandic, but when he sees you he will immediately fall into _Bashful_ mode and hide in his box. Leave him there, and let him come to you later for introductions; then you can reprogram him.

_3. Open the box, as an EMIL BONDEVIK unit will do no more than gripe at you, and offer the unit some black licorice_. He will follow you out of the box for it and sit somewhere. Let him eat, and introduce yourself when he's paying attention again.

**Reprogramming  
**After the successful removal of your EMIL BONDEVIK from his box, you have the option to reprogram him to any different personality listed below.  
_Unsociable (default)  
Tsundere (default)  
Bashful  
Emotional  
Grouchy  
_  
The EMIL BONDEVIK unit comes in his default _Unsociable_ and _Tsundere_ modes. The _Unsociable_ mode covers your unit's cool and composed moods- meaning that in _Unsociable_ mode, he will be an observer and mostly silent. The _Tsundere_ mode, unlike _Unsociable_, is more entertaining and more common for your EMIL BONDEVIK to be in. With this mode, your EMIL BONDEVIK unit will be very easy to rile up and very passionate. Do not worry if your unit is easy to rile up and untalkative at the same time. These default modes are often combined in daily life.

The _Bashful_ mode is simple to flicker in and out of. To activate your unit's _Bashful_ mode, simply expose his body somewhere other than a private place or coax him into speaking Icelandic, and wait for the red marks to appear on his cheeks. In this mode, your EMIL BONDEVIK unit will seclude himself like the angsty teenager he is and likely slam doors or stomp. If you want to end his cute upset tantrums, just feed him licorice and apologize nicely, or you can roll around squealing at how cute he can be when attempting to be angry.

To unlock _Grouchy_, you must only leave him alone with his Mr. Puffin set to _Obnoxious_. EMIL BONDEVIK in _Grouchy_ means that he will nitpick and generally troll you to death if he feels that you are too chipper. It is not advised to disturb him in this mode unless you have licorice and a place for him to be alone, as he will spend any time he has with your destroying your self-confidence and ranting (sometimes in Icelandic). To deactivate this mode, leave your EMIL BONDEVIK unit with a KAORU HONG unit from the Asians™ series for a while.

_Emotional_ mode is a little frightening to be around. Your EMIL BONDEVIK unit can only be put into _Emotional_ mode by witnessing harm coming to a LUKAS BONDEVIK unit or a SADIK ADNAN unit. You may find him holing himself up somewhere or moping; it is also common for him to cry a lot while in this mode. It can be turned off by having the "harmed" unit reveal that they are well or by manually reprogramming him to a default setting.

**Relationships with Other Units:  
SADIK ADNAN: **An EMIL BONDEVIK unit is very friendly with any SADIK ADNAN unit, which is part of the European™ series and can be purchased from any Ota-Co. catalogue. If your EMIL BONDEVIK is feeling particularly chummy and you have the luck, you –the esteemed customer- might even be able to hear your EMIL BONDEVIK call a SADIK ADNAN "Pops". You may find that, in accordance with the nickname, your unit treats a SADIK ADNAN unit as a sort of father figure or role model. The reasons for this are, as of yet, still under speculation, but it does not seem to be negative as of yet. Fortunately, being with a SADIK ADNAN unit for extended periods seems to bring out an unofficial mode: _Protective_. In this _Protective_ mode, an EMIL BONDEVIK seems to have evolved a greater sense of what matters in life and, as such, becomes more attached to those he considers dear to him. This mode seeps into all others and, due to it being a side effect, cannot be deactivated without a total reset of the unit by any Ota-Co. technician (see the catalogue for contact information).**  
**  
**LUKAS BONDEVIK: **The EMIL BONDEVIK unit has been proven by our scientists, to be the younger brother to our more sophisticated LUKAS BONDEVIK unit –also from the Nordics™ set. As such, this unit has a fond consideration for the country of Norway and feels it is 'the home where his heart truly is'. If that isn't cute enough, their brotherly disputes are fueled by the inability for your new EMIL BONDEVIK unit to call a LUKAS BONDEVIK unit "Onii-chan". Being called "Onii-chan" is something a LUKAS BONDEVIK is quite adamant about and, as such, possessing the both of them is quite amusing. However they appear to feel, both units feel that the other is a very important person and will aid each other with they require it. Your EMIL BONDEVIK may appear embarrassed or upset by the presence of a LUKAS BONDEVIK unit, but do not worry. That is a natural reaction to the brotherly affections.

**PETER KIRKLAND: **Your unit does not know what to make of any PETER KIRKLAND unit. Due to the PETER KIRKLAND's breakneck speech program, an EMIL BONDEVIK is incapable of understanding or comprehending most of what a PETER KIRLAND will say, and therefore loses interest in these hyperactive little units quite quickly, despite the PETER KIRKLAND's attempts to initiate friendships.**  
**  
**Caring For Your Unit**

_Cleaning  
_You may find that cleaning your EMIL BONDEVIK is quite the task to accomplish. Due to a heightened sense of self, your new unit is a rather modest model, and will often be very upset at any attempts to help or offer help with bathing. If you happen to make it to getting some of the clothes removed, beware that your upset and likely unwilling EMIL BONDEVIK will be quite a bit rattled once the event is through. Since this cannot be avoided, your EMIL BONDEVIK unit has been programmed to be fully capable of cleaning himself up and will not need your assistance in that area._  
_  
_Feeding  
_The EMIL BONDEVIK unit, as a pubescent model from the Nordics ™ series, eats quite a bit of everything you put in front of it. Certain tastes may be formed after activation, but studies have shown that the palette of an EMIL BONDEVIK unit is quite unpredictable outside of licorice being one of its favourite treats._  
_  
_Rest_

Within its series, the penchant for sleeping well and very predictably is a trademark trait. Your new EMIL BONDEVIK will be an early riser, though his quiet nature will not disturb you, and a deep sleeper. Feel free to leave your unit to its own devices where sleep is concerned, as it can handle that on its own._  
_  
**Frequently Asked Questions  
Q:**_ "Um… my EMIL BONDEVIK unit is so tiny… and it's in a white robe. What happened? Did I get the wrong unit?"_

**A:** Congratulations! You have just unpacked a rare Icelandic!EMIL BONDEVIK unit! This adorable little unit is the version of our original EMIL BONDEVIK before he was exposed to the immigrants and explorers of Norway and Denmark! You can send him back (which would be such a waste) or you can keep the little sweetie and make all your friends jealous!

**Q:**_ "My EMIL BONDEVIK is missing… do you know how I can find it? It just disappeared in the night!"  
_**A:** Keep calm and think, do you see any signs of forced entry? If so, and you don't know of any fan girls who would break in to steal him, it was probably a local MATTHAIS KØHLER unit in its KING OF SCANDINAVIA mode. Don't worry, he should find his way back once the other unit regains his proper etiquette. Matter of fact, the pother unit's owner might even return him. For any further assistance, please call the helpful hotlines listed in the back of any Ota-Co. catalogue and have one of our efficient service men retrieve your unit promptly.**  
**  
With any luck, you –our esteemed customer- have made it to the end of this manual with less-than-life-threatening experiences and now you and your unit are the best of friends. We of Ota-Co. would like to wish you all the best with your lifetime-guaranteed EMIL BONDEVIK unit! Enjoy!


End file.
